It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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