Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
