wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
