i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
