I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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