He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
