Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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