A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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