so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
