listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
