I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
