If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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