Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
