I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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