The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
