theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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