I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
