I'm pants shitting drunk right now
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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