So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
