Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Randomize
