we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
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What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize