yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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