apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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