Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
