Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
