i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
