A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
