he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
