1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Randomize
