just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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