That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
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and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
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After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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