well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
