But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
