i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize