Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
