You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
