allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
is wine microwaveable?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
