some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
