Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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