It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
