So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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