butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
