oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
