I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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