Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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