He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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