maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
