so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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