Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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