I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
