I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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