i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
