Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
