sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just want nice things and good sex
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
