You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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