the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
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