Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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