he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
