I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
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her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
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I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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