our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
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