I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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