youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Randomize
