i don't plan on having that self control this summer
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
