GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
