I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
