i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
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you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
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Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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