I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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