Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
