i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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