just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
