I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
