I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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